Faith

I have a love/hate relationship with faith.

Here's the problem: I need to be in control. That's a just a person need that I have. It's the way I work. I need to be in control of my life, of what is happening to me, and of the way things are going. When I'm not, I feel powerless. But, I am also a perfectionist, and the fact is I'm not perfect. So when I'm in control of things, they turn out imperfectly. I want to control things and make them perfect, but when I'm in control, I mess stuff up. It makes for a big issue.

Thankfully, I don't have to always be in complete control of everything around me, and I can give it over to God. When he is in control, things turn out perfectly. But that requires that I trust, and that I give up my control.

And this, my friends, is when faith comes in. Faith is trusting in the Lord enough that I can let everything go, and not worry about it, and completely out of control, and know that things will work out anyway! When I am able to truely have faith, I don't have to worry about a thing. I cannot tell you how awesome it is to not have to worry about anything. I am able to trust in and rely on the Lord completely. It's an incredible feeling.

Like I said, though, I have a hard time getting to that place. I have a need to control, so I don't like letting go. But when I do, it's one of the most amazing things ever.

I misspoke earlier. I don't have a love hate relationship with faith. I love faith, and the amazing things that it does for me in my life. I hate the fact that I have such a hard time actually have true faith.